Firewhiskey & Denial
by always-a-hp-girl
Summary: Sirius and Marlene. Dark.


Marlene McKinnon sat at the top of a secluded tower, which hardly anybody knew about, draping her legs over the side as she watched the stars in the sky. She brought the bottle up to her lips and took another long, well deserved swig; she welcomed the burning sensation as the whiskey flowed down the back of her throat, it numbed the pain and Marlene welcomed everything that minute to numb the pain she was currently feeling. Nobody knew, though, that Marlene was hiding because of her brother's recent death. Marlene finished the bottle and tossed it behind her, hearing the satisifed smash as they bottle collided with the ground. Turning around, Marlene jumped upon seeing Sirius standing there, "What are you doing up here, Black?"

"Just looking at the moon"

"Yeah, but in THIS tower?" She asked, frowning. She wasn't aware this tower was common for moon watching.

"Not worth the risk of the astronomy tower" he muttered

She let at a low, hollow laugh, "You got that right." He nodded grimly, still looking for the moon

She swung her legs back over and climbed to her feet, wobbling slightly as her alcohol consumption became apparent. "I'll leave you to it."

He glanced at her. "You should stop drinking" he remarked

"I know." She replied, shrugging.

"So give me the bottle."

She pointed to the smash bottle of the floor, "It's there."

"and you don't have more?" he eyed her suspiciously

She shook her head, "Why else do you think I'm leaving here, for?"

"To get more." he said simply

"Exactly. So, to answer your question, yes I do have more. Just not on me."

"And you shouldn't drink it.."

"We all do things we shouldn't do." She sighed, "Why do you care, anyway?"

He shrugged. "Just looking out for you, I suppose..."

She scoffed, "Don't be so stupid, Black. We all know I can handle my alcohol."

He raised an eyebrow. "All right then."

"If you're done with the interrogation, I'll be off." She said, walking shakily toward the stairs of the tower.

Go right ahead." he replied cooly. She rolled her eyes and headed down the stairs, using the wall for support. "Need help?" he laughed from behind her

"Fuck off, Black." She called up the stairs.

"So much for being able to handle it" he muttered loud enough for her to hear

"I can handle it, hence why I'm not taking your help!"

"Have fun falling down the stairs" he chuckled

"I'll have more fun falling down the stairs than I shall in your presence!" She yelled, reaching the bottom of the stairs, only nearly falling.

"Love you too, Marlene!" She made a loud noise of disgust and slumped at the bottom of the stairs. He went down the stairs. "You sure you don't need help?" he offered her a hand.

She sighed, "No, I'm fine. Go snog some slut or something, and leave me be."

He retracted his hand immediately. "Fine." he said and walked away swiftly, leaving her as a drunken slump on the floor. She watched him go; she'd feel bad about her attitude toward him later, probably. If she didn't drink anymore and sobered up, but right now, when all she could think about was her brother's death, she didn't care about Sirius at all.

"Hope she gets caught" he thought bitterly. All he cared about was the fact that the full moon was closer than he expected. He had to warn Remus to take his potion. She stood up eventually, feeling light headed but not as drunk, and she wandered off in the same direction as Sirius had left in.

"You don't walk very fast." She said upon seeing him.

He spun around. "Lost in thought" he muttered

"Drink for your thoughts?" She tried, pulling a bottle of firewhiskey from nowhere.

"You said you didn't have one on you..."

She tilted her head to the side and smile, "I lied."

"And no, I wouldn't" he pushed away the bottle. "I don't find my answers via a drunken stupor"

"No, but you can avoid the problem a lot via a drunken stupor."

"I don't avoid my problems." he told her flatly

"Well, I'm sorry we can't all be like you." She snapped coldly.

He grinned. "Touched a nerve, did we?"

"Don't." She said, screwing the lid off the bottle. She was sober now and she didn't want to be.

"We did." He grinned even wider

"Well, I'm glad you find other people's pain amusing and grin-worthy, Black." She scowled.

"Its not your pain, it's your attitude." he corrected her

"My attitude stems from my pain."

"If you insist. I personally think you always have a wand stuck you-know-where" he teased

"You will if you don't stop being an arsehole."

"Touchè" he admitted. "Though really, you'd probably get the help you need if you weren't so..." he tried to find the word

"I don't need help." She told him, scowling once more.

He looked at the bottle then back at her. He shrugged. "Denial's a stage, I suppose.."

"I'm not in denial, either."

"In denial about being in denial" he grinned. She glared at him. He smiled right back

"You really are a giant arsehole, aren't you? How d'you have friends?"

"I'm loveable."

"I can't see this." She retorted.

"You choose what you percieve."

"Great, and you're an arsehole." She said, finally taking a sip from the bottle, "And you're doing my head in." She started back off down the hall.

"But you love me anyway" he called out to her

She turned and blew him a kiss, "You wish!"

"I do." he muttered.

She laughed, "Trying to cheer me up are you now?" He didn't realize she heard him. She waited, bouncing on her heels, her face went serious again. "Sirius?" He shook his head. She shrugged and took another sip of fire whiskey. He started to walk away from her. She watched him walk and sighed, shaking her head. She found an alcove nearby to sit in and drown her sorrows and freshly surfaced feelings away.

The next morning, Marlene woke with the headache she predicted. She contemplated staying in bed all day and avoiding every problem she had, but her short conversation with Sirius last night bothered her. Getting dressed and applying make up, she wandered downstairs to see if he was in the common room - he was sitting there with James and Remus Spotting him, she made her way over, "Sirius, did you mean what you said last night?" She asked bluntly.

"Hello Marlene. You look dreadful" he laughed. She scowled at him, but waited, a hand on her hip, looking down at him. "Is it really bothering you that much?" he asked, noticing she hadn't left

She thought about it for a second, "Considering you walked away like a coward, I'd say yeah. But the more I think about it, I don't think I actually care at all." She shrugged slightly and walked away, slouching in the armchair at the opposite side of the room.

He scrowled and got up to talk to her. "never call me a coward"

"Just did." She said, not looking at him.

"You're calling ME a coward?" he barked "Someone who drinks away her problems as to not deal with him is calling ME a coward?! how dare you?"

"I didn't drink away my problems!" She yelled, not bothered by the startled looks she was receiving; she jumped up, "I drank away PAIN!"

"Same difference!" he yelled back "You're still being cowardly and not facing up to it."

"I think I'm allowed one lapse in cowardice considering my brother's just been tortured and fucking blasted by Death Eaters, Black!" She screamed, surprised that she was now crying, "So yeah, I may have been a coward, but at least it's not over pathetic feelings like yours was."

"What are these if not feelings?" he inquired, but his voice was softer. There was a silence "Marlene...do you know which Death Eater?" there was an urgency in voice.

"Do you think I'd be standing here if I knew which one of them killed my brother?"

He pulled her to a corner, so they could talk in private. "Marlene... was it Regulas?"

"No, I don't think so, I don't know. I haven't asked Dumbledore yet, I was too busy 'drinking away my problems." She paused, "If it was, you do know I'll not stop until he's punished?"

He swallowed thickly. "Well, I suppose if it was him...well, I'll know what it's like to lose a brother too." There was definietly hurt in his voice

"It's different when you're close to your brother, when he's the one you love more than anything next to your parents. I had that with Mason, you DIDN"T have that with Reg."

He frowned. "How d'you know that..?"

"Because you're a blood traitor and he isn't?"

"Oh" he was lost in thought

"Exactly. There's a chance Regulas was the Death Eater because Mason had mentioned him to me previously, and I get that he's your brother, but that doesn't excuse it- even you know that." He nodded grimly. "Well, then. I'll let you know if I find anything out." She said, turning her head away from him. Sirius turned back to James and Remus, unsure how to feel. She was still irritated he hadn't answered her initial question, but she said nothing more to him for the rest of the morning, and left for the first class.

Days passed without them uttering a word to each other. Marlene had spoken to Dumbledore and other Order members who had survived the raid on a Death Eater's safe house. She knew that Regulas was in fact involved, and he was the one who cast the killing curse on her Mason, after several hours of torture. She hadn't told Sirius, though. She didn't know how to, because his words remained with her: "I'll know what it's like to lose a brother too." and she didn't want that.

Days and weeks of not speaking...and in the back of his mind Sirius knew it must be because Regulas was somehow involved. He had to avoid her, for good. Even if he had feelings for her, his bastard of a brother made damn sure that they could never be together now.


End file.
